Making a beancounter cry

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WotC beancounter to Paul:  Hey, congrats on the upcoming release of The Erevis Cale Trilogy Omnibus.

Paul:  Thank you.  I’m really pleased  with it.  I think it’s a great place for new readers to start the Cale stories, and for longtime readers to get the stories in a better, longer lasting format.  Plus it has a couple extra short stories included, and–

WotC beancounter:  Based on the sales figures of other omnibuses in the current marketplace, we think it’ll sell X copies.

Me:  Huhwhat?

WotC beancounter:  X.

Me:  But my novels usually sell fifteen times that amount.  Is it possible that you are on crack, or have otherwise partaken of a narcotic?

WotC beancounter:  No.  Drug use is prohibited by corporate policy and we take corporate policies very seriously here.

Me: That was a joke.

WotC beancounter: Joking is also prohibited by corporate policy, Mr. Kemp.  Besides, an omnibus is different from your normal novels.

Me:  I agree.  It’s better!  See the cover?  See the trade paperback size?  See the very reasonable price?  See the extra content in the form of the two additional short stories?

WotC beancounter:   ?

Me:  Did you hear me?

WotC beancounter:  Mr. Kemp, sales of trade paperback omnibuses in this economy are sluggish.  We’re sticking with X.

Me:  You don’t know my readers.

WotC beancounter:  We think we do.

Me:  You also thought Hecatomb was a good idea.

WotC beancounter: What?  Hecatomb simply lacked a synergistic connection to the appropriate demographic, but the concept  was directionally correct.  Macroeconomic factors–

Me: Please shut up now.  Listen, if you did know my readers, you’d know they despise you and they like me and my writing.  Erevis Cale.  Remember him?  That guy?

WotC beancounter:  ?

Me:  Forget it.  Listen, when the Omnibus goes back to reprint after a week, and then another reprint after that, I will mock you incessantly via email.  Mock you until you cry.

WotC beancounter:  That would be fine, I suppose, provided the email doesn’t contain any profanity.  Profanity is strictly prohibited by corporate policy and–

Me: Suck it, beancounter!

WotC beancounter: I believe “suck” may also run afoul of the policy.

Me: Grrr.

The foregoing was paraphrased from an actual phone call.  If you’d like to help me make a beancounter cry, you can do so by ordering The Erevis Cale Trilogy Omnibus.

I would just note that every time a beancounter cries, an angel gets its wings.

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14 thoughts on “Making a beancounter cry

  1. I’d love to help you but delivery to M’sia is quite costly =(. No autographed copies for me. The moment it hits M’sian stores I will of course recommend it to as many friends as possible =D. Then I shall borrow it to read the introduction (if any) and the short stories XD.

    • Camperwen,

      No worries. Heck, I’ll just be glad if it actually gets to Malaysia. Please let me know if you see it in stores.

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  3. The problem with Omnibus Editions is that they’re usually made up of books I already own. I certainly don’t buy them unless I’ve never actually read the novels but I’m guaranteed that they’ll be good. You’re a nice guy, it’s true, and a good writer even, but why would I buy books I already have? While said Bean Counter might be an anal retentive prick, they’re probably also right.

    Hope they’re not though. 🙂

    • Why would you buy it? Because that’s what all the cool kids are doing, that’s why.

      Seriously, buy or don’t buy as you wish. My intent here is to be amusing and remind people that the book’s release is imminent.

  4. WotC beancounter: I believe “suck” may also run afoul of the policy.

    WOw, I didn’t know beancounters came with their own regulated dictionaries…

  5. Ha! thats awsome can’t wait for the 5x reprint of it 😉 and I alwasy buy the 3 or 4/5 books in one they have great cover art and easyer to read for my eyes.
    P.S Hope they come out with a Omnibus for the Twilight War

  6. Paul,

    I’m a huge fan. Just finished plowing through the Twilight Wars when I came upon your website to see if there was a sequel anytime soon. To my delight, you are writing a sequel, PLUS I just ordered the Omnibus signed version! Hopefully that will make the streets flood with salty tears.

    You rock!

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