In the Oval Office:

TRUMP: Flynn, get in here!

FLYNN: Sir?

TRUMP: This is an empty snack bowl, Mike. You see it? Empty snack bowls are sad, the worst.

FLYNN:

TRUMP: Why is it empty, Mike?

FLYNN, hissing: Bannon.

TRUMP: Yes. And what is it empty of?

FLYNN: Uh, dignity?

TRUMP: No.

FLYNN: Hope?

TRUMP: NO!

FLYNN: Integrity?

TRUMP: Jesus H. Sassafras, Mike. Schnitzel. It’s empty of schnitzel. And you know I love the schnitzel.

FLYNN: Why is that, sir? It’s kinda gross.

TRUMP: Listen, yours is not to reason why, Mike. Your is but to….?

FLYNN: ….

TRUMP: But to….?

FLYNN: Get more schnitzel?

TRUMP: Yes! But no! To do and die, Mike. Yours not to reason why, yours but to do and die. That’s from a song. Or a book. Some tennis player wrote it, I think. Or maybe it was a movie. Whatever. It’s the best. I like it bigly.

FLYNN: Sir, speaking of movies, did I tell you the conspiracy involving the Mannequin movie?

TRUMP: Unless it involves Kim Catrall nude I don’t care. Does it involve Kim Catrall nude, Mike?

FLYNN: It…does not, sir.

TRUMP: Then I don’t care. But, hey, maybe you should do a movie review show?

FLYNN: You think?

TRUMP: You could call it, NOBODY GIVES A FUCK WHAT I THINK ABOUT MOVIES ESPECIALLY NOT THE PRESIDENT BUT I KEEP TALKING ABOUT THEM ANYWAY.

FLYNN: Is that…catchy, though, sir?

TRUMP: Ugh. Mike, we were talking about schnitzel. It’s one of the reasons I like having all the Nazis around here. They make a fine breaded meat product.

FLYNN: Sir, schnitzel is a German food. Not a–

TRUMP, tapping knuckles on Flynn’s forehead: HELLO, MCFLYNN! That’s what I just said! Nazi food. Delicious! And I’m out of it, thanks to Bannon.

FLYNN: Uh, sir, Germans aren’t the same as Nazis.

TRUMP:

FLYNN:

TRUMP: You’re not making sense, Mike.

FLYNN: Sir, Nazis are a fascist political movement–

TRUMP: I like that about them too! Love the fascism! The best ism!

FLYNN: Agree! But the Germans are a people. They live in Germany, er, I mean, Merkelland, as you call it.

TRUMP: You’re losing me. Nazis, Germans, whatever, they all speak Merkelese and sound angry all the time.

FLYNN: Uh, sir, they actually don’t. Not all Germans are Nazis. In fact, very few are. And not all Nazis are German. We even have some here in America.

BANNON, bursting in: SOMEONE SUMMONED ME, MEIN FUHRER!

TRUMP: You! You ate all my schnitzel, you Nazi!

BANNON:

TRUMP: It’s classified schnitzel from now on, Steve! And you don’t have clearance. You understand?

BANNON, abashed:: Ja, Mein Fuhrer.

TRUMP: And now Mike’s saying schnitzel isn’t even the food of your people!

BANNON, backing out: Fick dich, Flynn. Es tut uns leid, Mein Fuhrer.

TRUMP: What kind of food do Nazis even make, STEVE? The French have fries, the Scots have McDonalds, the Czechs have Checkers. Turkey has….chicken or whatever that big bird is called. Those people contributed to world cuisine! They’re the best! And now I find out schnitzel isn’t Nazi food, but GERMAN food. I’m gonna have to negotiate a schnitzel treaty with Merkel to get more and you didn’t tell me this whole time. What do the Nazis even have for food, Steve? Huh?

BANNON: *Flees; the sound of jackboots fades into the distance*

FLYNN: He’s gone, sir.

TRUMP: He’ll be back. All I gotta do is put out some M&Ms. He’s like a stray cat with those things. Feed him once and he keeps coming back. Anyway, so you’re telling me not all Germans are Nazis?

FLYNN: That IS what I’m telling you, sir.

TRUMP: Hmm. Well, what about the Mooslums? Next thing you’ll be telling me they’re not all terrorists, or that all the blacks don’t live in post-apocalyptic inner cities.

FLYNN: I would never tell you that, sir. Absolutely correct on both counts.

TRUMP: Whew. That’s good. Kinda shook my world view for a minute there, Mike.

FLYNN: Never want to do that, sir.

TRUMP: That’s right, you don’t. I have a great world view, okay? The best. You know that. Everyone does. Now, go find me some fucking schnitzel.